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I fell into this one after catching myself doing something dumb. I said one thing, did the opposite, and then watched my brain instantly come up with a reason why it “made sense.”
Even though it didn’t.
But it felt better than admitting I was wrong.
I usually 'consult' my AI when I catch my brain taking reflex actions like that and GPT mentioned the term 'Cognitive Dissonance'. I was intrigued and wanted to learn more. So I looked it up. Read everything. And realized:
Cognitive dissonance is not just a psychological theory. It’s an everyday coping mechanism.
And most people have no clue they’re doing it.
It’s that uncomfortable tension between what you want to do vs what you’re actually doing.
Your brain hits conflict and goes: “This is not what you are supposed to be doing.” And instead of fixing the behavior, it rewrites the 'belief'.
Example:
- ➤ You tell yourself you’re someone who values your health.
- ➤ But you keep skipping workouts and ordering takeout 4x a week.
- ➤ Your brain: “I’ve just been too busy lately. I’ll get back on track soon.”
→ Cognitive Dissonance.
Nothing changed except the story you told yourself. You feel like a hypocrite.
It's not tho. 'The lie' is more about self-preservation. When there’s a gap between your values and your choices, your brain has two options:
- Change your behavior
- Change the story
And 9 times out of 10… it changes the story because that’s easier.
→ Someone stays in a relationship that makes them miserable But tells themselves “no one else would understand me anyway”.
→ A friend preaches about ambition but keeps procrastinating So they say “I’m just not built for hustle culture” instead of admitting they’re scared of failure.
→ A parent says they want to be patient, but snaps at their kid Then says “they were being disrespectful” instead of owning up to their bad reaction and the fact that they could've handled it differently.
→ You tell yourself you’re done with someone Then stalk their profile and call it “closure”
It's not bad per se. We all do it. And it's part of human nature.
It feels small in the moment like "a mental shrug". But over time, it builds false confidence, ignores accountability, suppresses personal growth and worst of all… you may no longer be able to rely on yourself or your thoughts.
Because deep down, you know you’re editing your reality to make yourself feel better about choices that are holding you back from accomplishing your goals.
However, you can’t fix it by forcing honesty
Dissonance isn’t solved by being brutally honest with yourself once. You have to shift your mindset to becoming the kind of person who can sit in contradiction without 'panicking'.
The only way out is to stop flinching
You can’t eliminate dissonance. But you can stop reacting to it like it’s an emergency. You'll never be able to stop contradicting yourself in terms of actions. But the goal is to notice when you do it and ask yourself:
WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS INSTEAD OF THAT?
That’s how people achieve personal growth. By being honest when they’re doing it 'wrong'.
Well, that's Cognitive Dissonance for you. I hope you found value in what I had to share. And hey, question for you...
What do you say you care about… that your actions haven’t backed up lately?
And more importantly:
What story are you telling yourself to fill the gap?